Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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