Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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