I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We are all done wearing pants today
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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