So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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