non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I supernannyed him into submission
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
