I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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