I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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