Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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