the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
