I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
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I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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