I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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