It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
