An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
