i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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