I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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