Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
