i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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