College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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