after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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