wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize