dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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