He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
