I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The 33 Worst Things Men Have Said While Hitting On Women
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?