like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her