Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
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just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
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i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises