So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif