Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
