just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
