good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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