i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Everything about him screamed your future.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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