i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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