Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
