Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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