Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
