I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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