Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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