So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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