5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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