My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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