Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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