Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
