Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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