im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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