i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
