WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
