I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
