My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize