Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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