We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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