So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
