I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
