Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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