i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She needs sedatives and a leash
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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