Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
