I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
