Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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