Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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