real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
