last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
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We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
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After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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