just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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