so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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