Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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