soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
