my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
