You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
